Day 13 - Creating Your Support Team
TODAY'S SHIFT FROM FAT TO THIN THINKING:
I look for opportunities to allow people in my life to support me. By doing so I give them the gift of contributing to my success.
Welcome to Your Thin Thinking Practice Day 13
Have you been challenged by any saboteurs in your home or work environments so far? You know saboteurs, those people who love to get in the path between us and Weight Mastery? These are people who:
- Bring fattening foods into the house or office
- Want to eat at unhealthy restaurants
- Keep you from your exercise goals
- Put down your attempts at making positive changes in your life
It is important to understand that the people in our lives who seem to want to sabotage us usually are not doing so from a place of evil but more from a place of fear. Change is scary for people and when someone in our life decides to undergo a big SHIFT, the unconscious primitive brain of others around us get triggered, “Someone in the tribe is changing”.
Remember, our brains are wired to keep things exactly as they are. You may notice some resistance to certain people supporting you because they:
- See you changing as a threat to the relationship you have with them.
- Are afraid that your becoming happy and healthy may change the way you interact with them.
- See you wanting to change as a judgment against their own lifestyle.
If you need to get the saboteurs in your life supporting you, please check out today’s coaching session: The Hamburger Technique (below).
Today's Shift From Fat To Thin Thinking: I look for opportunities to allow people in my life to support me. By doing so I give them the gift of contributing to my success.
Rita’s Coaching: The Hamburger Technique
I want to teach you a great technique that works well for SHIFTING a saboteur into a supporter called the HAMBURGER TECHNIQUE. Thinking of this as a very un-fattening hamburger helps one grasp the technique fast!
STEP 1: Start with the soft bun. First acknowledge the saboteur, tell them how much they mean to you and you appreciate how generous they are, etc. I don’t mean to lie or lay it on thick, I mean to open your heart and honestly acknowledge what you appreciate about this person and what value they bring to your life!
Example: “Honey, you are such a great husband and I love the time we spend together. You really always are looking out for me and have my best interests at heart and that makes me feel so loved.”
By approaching them in this open manner this keeps them from entering into defensive fight or flight mode and fighting with you or shutting down before you even ask for what you need. If you “grease the wheel” first then you are much more likely to get and open to hear your request.
STEP 2: The meaty middle. This is where you ask the saboteur for the support or change that you need to make from them. Here are some pointers to make it go smoothly:
-Let them know that the change you need is for you. Keep it on your side of the street.
-Be specific how they can help you.
-Offer feed forward on how the changed behavior might look.
Instead of: “Stop bringing me cookies you are tempting me and ruining my weight loss!”
Try this: “Honey, I know you love to bring me cookies. I so appreciate that you want to give me a weekend treat. The problem is when you bring them I end up feeling bad and that makes me eat more. Maybe, you can either have a cookie outside the house if you want one and bring me something else like berries or fruit or just keep the cookies out of the kitchen and out of my eyesight?
Can you see that instead of placing blame with them you are actually inviting them in to help you?
STEP 3: Finish with a soft bun. People do love to make a difference in our lives and often food is bought with the idea that it is a gift or a treat. Let people know how much you appreciate their generosity of spirit and offer alternative ways they can show their love. People tend to get their feelings hurt if they feel like you are rejecting their love, i.e. their gift. Give them kudos for the effort and keep the love towards them flowing. Offer them new ideas to build your relationship and you will then be adding to them and not shutting down their love.
Example: “You are such a generous man and I know you just want to love me and I love you for that. You know what would be great—if our treat for the weekend would be to take a walk together. That would mean so much to me and would be great time for us to spend together.”